Her Business Magazine - February 2008

For a professional woman, there is usually a spectacular balancing act being performed behind the scenes. Being so busy, is it possible to be delighted with all areas of your life?  Can a person get the balance right?  And with the increasing talk of a 'man drought', how do you fit your personal life into the mix? More and more, turning to an expert for help is the solution to this problem.

Statistics New Zealand's latest figures are not great for single Kiwi women. They show that women outnumber men by 64,600. The 35-39 age group is the toughest dating group for women to crack - they outnumber men by more than 12,800.The 1986 Census was the first to record more women than men in the 30s age group. Since then the gap has increased sharply with every census.

But interestingly enough there are more male babies born than female babies in New Zealand. In fact up until their mid-twenties men still out number women. 

So where does this gap come from? One factor is the big "OE". Research shows that equal numbers of men and women leave New Zealand, but that more women return than men. This has been attributed to the desire of women to raise their children in the same country as their extended family. Therefore New Zealand men who form relationships overseas are more likely to settle in the country of their foreign partner.

Immigration is also a factor. There are more females who migrate to NZ than male largely due to a shortage of women working in female-dominated service industries. Jobs such as childcare, teaching and nursing encourage females to enter the country. There is also an imbalance between Asian migrants with 32% more Asian female migrants than Asian men.

Another issue making it harder to find the right partner is a lack of suitable professional males. Traditionally Kiwi girls married up, partnering men with more qualifications and money. But today things are very different and for every ten 30-year-old women with university degrees there are only seven men.

All of this adds up to making it even harder for single women to meet single men.

There are dating agencies all over Auckland - it's like a buffet of single life. You can walk up and try a slice of speed dating, then heap on a helping of singles events and dinners for professional, like-minded people. Maybe for dessert you'll sneak a little dating for outdoor enthusiasts. It's all there; you just have to take the plunge and give something new a try.  

However time is an important commodity for busy Kiwis. Decades ago we were the least likely people to use a service due to our 'can-do' and 'No 8 wire' mentality. However now we are learning to delegate with the best of them.

Increasingly we are turning to professionals to assist us in whatever area we need help -  we use a personal trainer or a dietician when we need to lose weight or a travel agent when we want to organise a holiday. Financial advisors, real estate agents, brokers, all provide valuable time-saving services and relevant expertise. And to solve the problem of being a single woman wanting to meet a single man, we are now turning to an Introduction Agent for help.

We spoke to Sasha Madarasz, owner and Director of Two's Company, an introduction agency for single people specialising in one-on-one introductions. Sasha's clients are mostly professional people who are happy with their lives. When she describes her clients, "They are busy with work, family, friends, hobbies, travel and so have little or no opportunity to meet other single people. They often do not like the idea of their photo on the internet and are not keen to go to a singles event where there is the possibility of bumping into a colleague or client. They also don't have the time that it takes for an Internet dating service."

To address these issues Sasha meets with her clients for a confidential consultation. They chat over a coffee while Sasha takes notes to build up a profile for them and then listens to what sort of people they would like to meet. Sasha says clients are typically very reasonable with their 'wish list'.

So what are men are looking for? "The majority of men on our books are looking for someone who has time for a relationship. This is a big one. When people join the books they have to be prepared to make time for dating. I know our lives are busy and it's a struggle to fit everyone and everything in but if you wanted to lose weight you would have to spend time exercising, so the same applies with organising your personal life. They are also looking for someone who is not 'high maintenance', takes pride in their appearance, has a career and goals, and has a great down to earth attitude."

And women? "Women are looking for honesty and respect, someone with his own life and friends, success, confidence not arrogance, someone who is articulate with a great sense of humour, a decision maker, and has a good work and life balance."

Sasha organises around 100 dates a week at Two's Company, dealing with approximately 200 people. She does follow up calls after every first date and we spoke to her about what sort of feedback she gets.

"The biggest turn-off for men is a woman who plays 'hard to get'! Your date will think you don't like him", says Sasha. "I think one of the worst pieces of advice a woman's friends give her is to not phone a guy and to play it cool". In her experience this does not work on Kiwi men. "It has the opposite affect and men just think 'well, she's just not that into me' and move on."

Another tip is to dress to impress - always. Women should try to look more feminine. "I get a lot of feedback from men saying women all wear the same thing - jeans or pants, top and jacket. The men say to me, 'bring on the dresses and skirts!' This goes back to basic human nature - men want to see women as women because it makes them feel more masculine and women want to see men as men because it makes them feel more feminine."

Lastly, Sasha advises to have more than just one date with a person. "This is truly the best piece of advice I can give. I spend hours every week discussing this with clients. You don't need to make a decision after only one date". She finds that the common response after a first date is, 'I'm just not sure there's anything there for me'. She responds "Well of course not, it's just a first date. You don't even know the person." And before you say, 'I know myself better than she does', Sasha points out that she has four married couples in all of whom she had to convince one or other of the pair to give a second date a go. "They weren't going to go on a second date and I had to talk them into it. And they're just the ones that are now married!"

"You don't know anything about a person after just one date. Enjoy yourself and have another date. You have nothing to lose," encourages Sasha.

So there is nothing new in delegating a part of your life to free up time in other areas, it just depends on how serious you are.

By Sasha Madarasz